Dysfunkshun

OMG's it's HOT again! I'm meeeelting....
I was thinking about Brook Shields and her PPD (Post-Partum Depression). I, too, had PPD, for about 5 years. I was in denial of it, of course, and didn't resort to treatment for way longer then I should have. Finally, I did go to the Dr and was diganosed as having "pretty much every possible symptom" of depression. I would cry, all the time, for no apparent reasom. the only area I lacked was being suicidal. And that was close by. I just hadn't quite gone there yet. SO when Brookie says she had it, PLEASE Mr Tom "I've birthed many babies" Cruz, BELIEVE IT. I think his "denouncing" her for having taken meds for it is irresponsible and best, possibly harmful at worst. When I finally *did* go on an antidepressive, it still took a long time, but then again I had been depressed for years, and Rome wasn't built in a day. Takes a long time to rebuild yourself when you let it go for so long. I know that depression is a symptom for MS, and I do think I already had it (MS), but I think my depression came from other sources as well. My "mother", for one. I will spare you the sordid details. My inability to breastfeed, I KNOW that was a biggie, here I wait till I am 43 to have a baby, and since I was always told that with my "natural endowments" if I ever had a "kid" s/he wouldn't starve to death, and here I was, 43, new baby, big...endowments...and the trauma they caused with the birthing process caused my milk to not come in. So, big boobs, but empty ones. I was unable to provide nourishment for my baby. It devastated me. On MANY levels. IF I had...HAD...gone to seek professional help before, my son would not have spent the first 5 years of his life thinking that crying was a normal thing for Mommies. So shame on you, Tom. Shame on you.
stay cool everyone. When a few paychecks have come in I think I'm going to talk to Rob about maybe getting a fully functional a/c (this one is glitchy at best) and next paycheck a few more fans, at least. Summer still has a long way to go before it cools for fall. Now I know wha they call it "fall", the temp falls...the leaves fall...beer consumption falls...Niagra falls....

Whale Rider

The movie Whale Rider is on tonight. I loved it! Highly recommend it. I might have distain for anything that even remotely reminds me of the woman I used to know as "mother" but the one thing she did instill in me that will forever remain is the Love of the Maori. The rest can go, and is welcome to.
No anger issues there, eh?

Heat!

AAAhhhhh, it's finally cool enough to think! It has been about 80* in the house most of the week, and this morning I awoke to it having cooled down to 68*!
Rob has been working his keester off at his new job, he worked 4 days last week and got in 45 hours!!! Lordy knows how many hours he'll get in his first "full" week! He got promoted to crew chief the econd day, and now the Hospital where they have him working and his boss are arguing over who gets him LOL!!! Everyont wants his, he seems to be a rare commodity here, someone who walks his talk! I told him to start a bidding way and see who's the highest bidder then decide. I reminded him he's only been with the comapny a few days, not really long enough to build up "loyalty", and maybe this was Spirit's way of getting him introduced to the Hospital, wait and see...
Well I had a Birthday this week, now I'm 25 1/2...twice over. Now I'm *not* a half-century old anymore, now I'm *over* 1/2 century!
I got "freecycled" a monitor, which pooped out after 3 days, so I'm going to actually BUY one next month. there are awesome deals on them over the net...I can get a 17 or 19" *delivered* for less then $80! With a warranty even! The moniter I've been using has some "bad" memories associated with it, and I'd rather forget the person who gave it to me ever existed, more so now that I've learned she, one evening, gave me a drink with 151 rum (I knew that part) and TWO powdered ambien, so I'd go to sleep and she could seduce Rob! Her "nefarious" plan failed, though, I stayed awake and as perky as ever...constitution of an ox...so she wasted $10 worth of ambien (bua-ha-ha-ha-hah!!!!) Even in my ignorance I triumphed over evil LOL!!! But now she's in my thoughts again and I want her banished, so I need a new Monitor (which I needed anyway, this one's a dino).
Gods but it feels great to be cool again! I've been so hot this whole week, totally loggy, and now I feel energized again. The cats feel it too, they're going nuts! Running all over the place, feeling like kittens again.
I'm watching a cartoon called "The TicK", highly underrated, very funny. I was wondering just the other day if it was still on, and I found it! This one is "Tick vs. El Seed"
Since it is cooler today, I think I'll BBQ chicken for dinner. Might marinate it in Mojo Criollo first, or Naranja Agria (bitter orange) (I get them both from the local Spanish grocery), or might make a honey/mustard glaze for it. HHmmm decisions, decisions...
Well, enough eyestrain for now...

See why L'IlBit thinks I'm her Mommy? I took this looking down, that's my nightdress you're seeing! 

Is that a mischievious grin or what?? 

Big Boyo 

"VinniePig" aka "GinkyPig" 

Better

Well, we found out she died from bedsores. Not a nice way to go, I'm sorry she had to go through it. Rob took a few days to get back to himself, but he's OK now.
Meantime, he's decided to go back to work!!! He's taken a job with servicemaster in Winchester He'll be working long hours, and it is actually more of a career then a job, since the company is growing rapidly and there are lots of chances for promotion. We know my SSI payments will be reduced, but if we can get off "the dole" and have a "real" life, without having to answer to the Gov't for everything we do, it will be SO much better!! We'll always have SSI to fall back on, so if it doesn't work we're still "safe". He is hopefully going to be able to go up to NY sometime soon to get his Goldwing, so he can have transportation and leave the car here for me. HE'll be close enough to work that we need not move, but if G. won't let us winterize, we will look for a place closer to his job. There's time to figure it all out.
The heat is kicking my derriere, but I got a cooling scarf and it is helping. I think I need to get a couple more, so I can swap them out as they warm up. This looks to be a loooong summer.

sad

I don't know if you knew this, but I am not the first Mrs Michels, Rob had a previous marriage. Well we got word today that the former Mrs Michels has passed. She was not very old, but she had been in poor health for a long time. Rob is, understandably, very sad. Funny thing is, we were talking about her just this afternoon, I was saying I am grateful to her for letting him go so I could join with him. Rob is taking this a bit harder then he thought he would. I will give him the space he needs. I love him, it hurts to see him hurting. He is upstairs, I think he is going over memories, releasing her, saying his goodbye. I have a candle lit for them both. I never met her, even though we lived in the same very small northern NY town for a few months. This was only last year. All I knew was she had kept his last name, and I had to tell the post office that there were two Mrs. Michels in town, that she had to go by the initial to know who the mail was for. Rob has been thinking of going up to NY for a day to get stuff from our storage unit there. He was going to go maybe Friday. Now I don't know if he's going to want to go. If he doesn't, well, then he doesn't. Storage can wait.
MS...the Dr has me back on Neurontin, and believe it or not, it is actually helping! It is relieving the heat related pain. The Dr has given me pretty much free reign as to how much I take, since he has given me 90 600mg strength pills as a one month perscription. He said to start with 300, then go up as needed, up to 3 ~ 600's a day if I want! WOW That's a LOT of Neurontin. Needless to say I won't be taking the whole bottle in one month. Probably not in two or three months either.
Anywhoo, I'm off to see if I can get Rob to eat a wee bit more, he didn't have much for dinner and I know he needs something more in his tummy. I might make him some spicy soup...that usually helps.

Last night

Ok, Y'all know that heat messes with one, with MS. Well, we live in a big old house with no A/C. Well at least it HAD none, there was an old, small window unit that Rob managed to revive for me, altgough a wee bit too late. I endd up in the E.R. last night, from heat exhaustion. The Dr. there is an idiot. There are a few choice words that preclude "idiot" in that statement but I'll let your imagination fill them in for me. For one thing, he said he has never perscibed IV steroids bfore...What??? Am I the only MS's in WV to have an exascerbation...ever?!?!? So he called the Neuro (at 1 a.m on July 4th...niiiice...) and came back and said the Neuro has told him that heat can/will not cause an MS flair. WHAT??? If that's the answer, my Neuro is FIRED. So sum total, the guy sent me home, didn't do diddly, and told me to follow-up with the Neuro. I will not go into the lack of compassion in that E.R except to say that unless I am DYING do NOT take me there again, for ANY reason.
SO anywhoo, the Neuro called me this morning, wants to see me tomorrow, and said OF COURSE heat can cause an MS flair! So the E.R Dr Lied his arse off, he was so totally out of his league that he resorted to LYING! *pshaw*
Anywhoo, the house has been maintaining at about 80*, and with the piddly A/C I ca keep it closer to 72* which is acceptable, and Rob is going to get me a fan today (if Walmart is open that is) and I'll put it in front of the A/C and hope that helps spread the coolth around :-)
What, you ask, happened to cause me to even go to the Hospital in the first place? An almost total shut-down of my right side, the only thing "working" anywhere, besides an almost scary mental clarity, was my left arm. Everything else just had no control, no strength at all. Fortunately bladder control did not leave me (with MS it often does, I've ben fortunate so far).
Anywhoo, that's that, I'll keep y'all updated.

Live8 addendum

Ok, Now I'm watching some of it again, and I am so proud of ABC for showing it! I had watched it all on MTV, not knowing it would be on again (edited, of course) on ABC later. I applaud ABC for showing it, and am glad that all the people who were not privvy to the MTV version will see it and be aware. YAY!

www.one.org

I have been watching the concert since it started, and have cried off and on during the whole thing. I cannot imagine what those Mothers go through! Watching their children get sick from lack of proper nutrition, then not being able to buy the medication that, in many cases, they would not need if they had HAD proper nutrition!!! And holding them as they die. Cannot go there. I watch my robustly healthy son, hold him and cry for those Mothers. Just because they were born where they were, does that make their 9 months any less significant, their labor and Love make them any less of a Mother, then mine did? It is SO wrong. In this day and age, this should not be happening. We have the power to stop it, as they said, we have the power to make History...to make Hunger....HISTORY. Please, if you have not done so, go to www.one.org and sign the petition. I did it months ago, have you? Please do. Your Voice is needed. Unless, of course, you think that this is ok, and for some reason it's just fine in your little world that these children die. If that is the case, stop reading NOW. I do not want your energy anywhere near my words and thoughts. They are not asking for money, just for a few minutes of your time to help change the world. Thank you.

Tara

Well, she's home. They let her out with a bunch of drugs to take, I don't agree, she said she thinks it is bacause she doesn't have insurance, which really ticks me off, for one I think that is irresponsible on their part, for another, she COULD have insurance if she filled out a litle paperwork, but she refuses. I have no idea why, it is part of her disfunction I guess. And I found out why Mike didn't hear the chainsaw...she didn't turn it on, but used it like a big knife and raked herself with it. Good thing she doesn't have an electric knife, I have one and she could have really done herself in with it! They are so sharp and ther is no safety....I keep mine wth the blades in one place and the handle another, got a kid to keep safe :-)
This heat is kicking my butt. I feel like I have a fever all the time. Rob brough down and installed the tiny window A/C, it is helping a wee bit, but this room is SO big! My toes are numb, my wrists are hurting, I wrenched my shoulder and that still twinges, and for some reason my left knee is siezing up and really painful, have to walk it out when it starts to go...I know, I'm whining now...better go get some cheese (you know, want some cheese with that wine?).
Robbin just brought me in a salad, dressing and all!! Of coure it is swimming in dressing but it's the thought that counts and being a good Mommy I will eat it so he doesn't feel he did something bad. :-)