YodaMamma MS & More

My Photo
Location: Crescent City, Fl, United States

I am 60, have MS, am an avid cook, love making candles (soy) and watching the endless parade of Nature outside my home. I treat the MS with supplements and LDN, I do not use any of the C.R.A.B. MS meds, we don't get along well. I was married for 13 years, we were together for 15. We are now divorced. Sad, that. I do still love him, but ONLY as the father of my baby. Better to keep it civil, hurts the child(ren) less that way, but is oh-so-hard to do sometimes.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

Well, 2007 sure has been roller-coaster of a year! We've moved, bought a home (NEVER expected THAT lol) (Actually, I DID, I did a New Year's reading last year and in it I asked if we would buy a home during the year. Got a YES. Asked if it was within the first 6 months. Got a YES. We moved here in April)(But since when am I right???) My foot has gotten way worse, Winter here sees me home-bound, since my footing is not secure enough for walking on snow and/or ice. Rob is even talking about becoming "snowbirds" in Winter, Not because we can't handle the winter, but so *I* can actually have a life for more then 6 months a year. Even if or when I get a scooter I'd still not be able to use it in the snow, whereas down in Fla (he has family there) I would be able to get out and *do* stuff. I *can* still drive, getting IN the van is hard but once I'm in, I'm golden! Still, this is MY HOME, and I'd rather tough it out here...who wants to live with another Alpha female for 6 months a year? Not me! *shudder*
The last 2 months have been abysmal when it comes to finances! Last month we had to pop $250 for wood, so the rest of the month was very "slim", This month? Well, so far the chainsaw has busted, will cost almost as much to replace it as to fix it(about $400), the cooking gas tank *just* ran out (another $250 to fill it) Just got the tax bill ($800) and I am *still* trying to catch up with the bills that lapsed last month! So now we have all that wood and can't cut it up! Silver lining is, the hot water heater is electric (if it were gas we'd be taking cold showers), and Rob had cut up several day's worth of wood before the saw pooped. And the guy that fixes them, is also becoming a dealer. We'll be his first customers, and he has a saw he will loan Rob if he needs it until such a time as we can buy the new one. Also, the tax people...the lady in the tax office happens to be the WIFE of the guy with the saws! She said that just send in what we can when we can till it is all paid, as long as it is within the year. We Can cook, have a camp stove and a crock-pot. So, even though financially things are dire, life goes on. Hopefully 2008 improves things. I have hope, and as long as there is Hope and Humor...and Love, gotta have that!
I went off Cymbalta, and back on Sam-E. Yes, I have to pay for it, insurance doesn't cover it, but I found a good source for it. There were a few very black days during the transition. And of course ALL the financial stuff hit during those days, all at once! dang! Makes me glad we're on to a New year, new chapter in the book of Life. So Happy New Year, all y'all!

Friday, December 28, 2007


When I look back at all the things I used to be able to do, that now I can no longer do, I feel a bit like a beach. A nice, clean, sandy beach somewhere tropical, with blue skies and coconuts. And there's the Sea. That's the MS. Every clear, sparkling wave takes a few of my grains, erodes me, little by little, grain by grain. People don't SEE the MS, they just see pretty waves, frolic in them, not realizing I am being taken, bit by bit, fragment by fragment, grain by grain. Some days are stormy. Those days the beach is empty and I am alone. There might be a few storm watchers (family, friends), but I still feel alone and empty those days. Those days also are the ones that erode me the fastest. Then there are the MS exacerbations...Tropical Storms that erode me even faster. Stress can be a Tsunami to my beach. I feel helpless against the onslaught of those waves, all I can do is watch myself being taken, feel myself being lessened, look back at the richness my life used to be. I used to dance on those waves, now sometimes I hate them, hate what they're doing to me. I mourn myself, miss myself, and desperately want myself back. But I know it is not to be, I will never dance again.