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Location: Crescent City, Fl, United States

I am 60, have MS, am an avid cook, love making candles (soy) and watching the endless parade of Nature outside my home. I treat the MS with supplements and LDN, I do not use any of the C.R.A.B. MS meds, we don't get along well. I was married for 13 years, we were together for 15. We are now divorced. Sad, that. I do still love him, but ONLY as the father of my baby. Better to keep it civil, hurts the child(ren) less that way, but is oh-so-hard to do sometimes.

Friday, December 28, 2007


When I look back at all the things I used to be able to do, that now I can no longer do, I feel a bit like a beach. A nice, clean, sandy beach somewhere tropical, with blue skies and coconuts. And there's the Sea. That's the MS. Every clear, sparkling wave takes a few of my grains, erodes me, little by little, grain by grain. People don't SEE the MS, they just see pretty waves, frolic in them, not realizing I am being taken, bit by bit, fragment by fragment, grain by grain. Some days are stormy. Those days the beach is empty and I am alone. There might be a few storm watchers (family, friends), but I still feel alone and empty those days. Those days also are the ones that erode me the fastest. Then there are the MS exacerbations...Tropical Storms that erode me even faster. Stress can be a Tsunami to my beach. I feel helpless against the onslaught of those waves, all I can do is watch myself being taken, feel myself being lessened, look back at the richness my life used to be. I used to dance on those waves, now sometimes I hate them, hate what they're doing to me. I mourn myself, miss myself, and desperately want myself back. But I know it is not to be, I will never dance again.


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