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Location: Crescent City, Fl, United States

I am 60, have MS, am an avid cook, love making candles (soy) and watching the endless parade of Nature outside my home. I treat the MS with supplements and LDN, I do not use any of the C.R.A.B. MS meds, we don't get along well. I was married for 13 years, we were together for 15. We are now divorced. Sad, that. I do still love him, but ONLY as the father of my baby. Better to keep it civil, hurts the child(ren) less that way, but is oh-so-hard to do sometimes.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Dang Thing Is Finally Catching Up With Me

Aside from MS, I also have severe scoliosis and arthritis. Pretty bad arthritis, too, they have stated it as "riddled with". Yeehaw. At the tender age of 13 I was told that by 30 (I am 53) I would be permanently in a wheelchair, and would be about 4'6" (I am 5'). I have been running from that damn chair ever since. At the time, I went home and for the next year, walked with a book on my head, to straighten my posture. That year bought me 33. But now, it is finally at the door, beckoning me to sit and finally be comfortable. I HATE that I am finally going to call the Dr and ask for one. I HATE that it is catching up with me. Rob says, it is not, repeat NOT, giving up my freedom, but claiming it. I don't agree. But today, we went to the County Fair and I walked. And walked. And walked. And when I finally sat down, in pain and with very little relief in sight, listening to the slightly cheezy band (this IS Wisconsin, after all), and starting in on a pity party because I realized I could have been comfortable and not in pain ~ but that I am, and have been, too damn stubborn (Rob says I am not stubborn, I am tenacious), I looked around and say a little boy, maybe 6? in a chair. God slapped me in that moment. HE said, you are 53, you have walked, run, and danced your way around much of this world. That little boy will never walk, run, or dance. I am humbled. He had a twin brother. The twin had developmental difficulties, both boys had hearing aids and glasses. (sorry if I typo, I will try to correct them all, hard to see, I am crying) I remembered those same Dr's that condemned me at 13, also told me I would NEVER have children, don't even try, I'd end up either dead or in a wheelchair. I had Robbin at 43, I have beat the odds, in every way, and for more years than I have any right to. Robbin chose that moment (chose?) to run up to me and hug me. I will call The Dr. I will get a chair/Jazzy/whatever. I will listen.
And I just want to clarify that to mu knowledge it is *not* the MS or the scoliosis that is bringing me to this, it is the arthritis. There might be *some* influence from the MS and the scoliosis, but it is mainly o' Arthur that brings the pain, the inability to freely stride, and the pain. I an in constant, chronic pain. Nothing helps aside from a fairly constant infusion of Motrin. I get 100 Motrin 800's a month, and so through quite a few of them. Some days I am able to go without, some days I take 3. Today I have already taken 2, and will take another before bed, but then again I overdid, so that is to be expected. My right knee needs a TKR, which I am also resisting and will continue to resist, my left knee is not far behind. One step at a time (no pun intended). But yes, it is Jazzy time.


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