readers

You know, sometimes I get the feeling that nobody ever reads this, that my words just go out into the ethers and I am alone. Oh I know there is my wonderful family, and I still, always, feel the Angels, but I also feel, sometimes, very alone. Right now, Rob is downstairs getting reading for a reading, Robbin is watching The Wizard of Oz, probably for the first time that he is actually able to understand it, I am here in my Bedouin Lair, eating my dinner (salmon and leftover Moussaka Parmesan) and thinking about, wondering, whether my words have any meaning or not. Not that it matters, if you are drawn to read my babble, you will, it won't change me, I just hope that sometime I write something that helps you. Or someone. Or amuses you. Humor is very Healing. I know that just the writing of it helps me. I need to write. It is like breathing, I have to do it to survive. I write for me just as much, or more, then I do for you. I Honor you for reading it, and I Thank You for it. With the MS taking away so much of *me* the writing is the new *me*. I am still ME, but now *I* exist more in word then in deed. I used to dance. Did you know that? I was actually a disco dancer. Really! Leather hotpants and all! I moved like lightning, danced like a crazed woman. Now I cannot walk to the mailbox without having to tell people about it! It is an achievement. Before, it would have been something I would not have even thought about. Now it is something I have to force every step to do. That hurts. More emotionally, actually, then physically. So I write about it to mitigate the hurt and maybe inspire someone else, who thinks the mailbox an impossible task, to go, get the mail. The mailbox, BTW, is mostly allegorical. It is real for me, but your impossible task might be something, anything, else. And if I say anything tht helps you with your impossible task, then my babble is all worth it. That and the release I get from writing it in the first place. I think if I didn't write I'd explode. That could be nasty.
Well there's the phone with Rob's reading and my dinner is now cold. No matter. I feel better then if I were full of food. Like I said, I don't know if anyone reads this, but I feel better for the writing.
'night now