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Location: Crescent City, Fl, United States

I am 60, have MS, am an avid cook, love making candles (soy) and watching the endless parade of Nature outside my home. I treat the MS with supplements and LDN, I do not use any of the C.R.A.B. MS meds, we don't get along well. I was married for 13 years, we were together for 15. We are now divorced. Sad, that. I do still love him, but ONLY as the father of my baby. Better to keep it civil, hurts the child(ren) less that way, but is oh-so-hard to do sometimes.

Sunday, October 16, 2005


I'm having a depressed day. No reason, just am. Things finally seem to be heading in the right direction and I am happy about that, I'm juust having one of those funky days where for some totally unknown reason I feel like I'm letting everyone doen and they'd be beter off without me. No, I do not feel suicidal...just depressed. Down. No energy. Cold. I feel like crying, and probably will. I know I am somewhat worried about money, and Rob coming down and reminding me that the car insurance will come due in the next month or so didn't help. And why would I be worried about a bill that we don't even have yet? And I can put the thing on auto-pay and not have to come up with the whole thing, just some $40 a month, should be a no-brainer, no? So why am I depresed about it? I was depressed before he came doen and said that, so I can't really attribute my "mood" to that. It started when I woke up, Robbin came down and wanted to nuke something in the kitchen, I just wanted to sleep and didn't feel like going in and helping him so I told him to get a banana and go upstairs and watch TV. Well you would have thought I was beating the kid. Crying, ranting, banging...but up he went, so of course that brought Rob out of the back room where HE was trying to rest. So Rob comes down, into the kitchen, where I hear him talking to VinniePig. Who is apparently out of water. Now I feel like a bad piggymom. I *know* I checked his water yesterday and it was fine. So i'm even letting VinniePig down. I feel like such a failure. I know it is all silly and will pass and I should just go and take a Wellbutrin (and I like...that is has less risk of sexual side effects...)(Like what sexual side effects? Am I suddenly going to get interested in bondage? Dom or Sub? Can I BE a Dom in Birkenstocks? I might need to research just in case....). 'l be making some candles today, got some orders to fill, that might lift my spirits, too. And there always Diablo if all else fails (the game, not the guy).
So I'm off to see what else the day has in store. Hope it gets better. I has to, it just does.


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9:11 PM  
Blogger raven said...

Hi Akiba. Hope you have shifted by now. I had a pretty down few days as well...and am also a cancer so maybe the stars were blocking something. Maybe. (Always good to have something to blame.)I notice you still manage to maintain your wicked sense of humour... Anyway... Hope youve cheered up...sending you lots of love xx Suea

6:47 AM  

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