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Location: Crescent City, Fl, United States

I am 60, have MS, am an avid cook, love making candles (soy) and watching the endless parade of Nature outside my home. I treat the MS with supplements and LDN, I do not use any of the C.R.A.B. MS meds, we don't get along well. I was married for 13 years, we were together for 15. We are now divorced. Sad, that. I do still love him, but ONLY as the father of my baby. Better to keep it civil, hurts the child(ren) less that way, but is oh-so-hard to do sometimes.

Monday, March 27, 2006


As part of my "new" regime to make myself over and return to someone I can love, I decided to start wearing make-up again. I haven't worn it in about 13 years, and until now Robbin had Never seen mommy with make-up. So, the other day I went out and got some inexpensive stuff, to start and see...well, when I got back into the car I put on some light eyeshadow, lipstick and mascara. Drove home, and when I got out of the car the guys both reacted do I say it? Robbin said I looked happy and "Mommy's pain is gone!". Rob looked like he just fell in love again. It kinda floored me to tell the truth. So I am going to go out and get some more, better makeup, and maybe even get some of that mineral stuff...what do they call it, bare essence? Something like that...I've never been "into" make-up foundation but I think that might be nice, or some of that Lauren Hutton stuff maybe?
You know, my mother *always* "put her face on" every morning, till one day she stopped, and I think that's when she became mean. No, really...she changed at that point. I never really thought about it before. The last picture I took of her when she was wearing make-up she looked great, the last picture I ever took of her was about 5 years later and she looked like hell. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead...but she did. One of the things I was disliking about *my* face was my mouth was looking like hers and I hated her mouth. And not just the things that came out of it. When I put on that lipstick, my mouth became MY mouth again, my lips became MY lips again. She was gone! And she will stay gone. I don't want to become what she became. I want to be ME again and I think I'm on the way back to me. You might wonder why I never talk about her? Well I'm sorry, but you will have to keep wondering. I never want to bring that kind of negativity back, and talking about it invokes it. If I thought talking about it would release it, I would. But as I said, I don't like to speak ill of the dead. So I'll find other ways to release it! And if
re-making myself, a make-up make-over, helps...well then that's what I'll do!
I do have to chuckle at the looks on their faces cute!
Meanwhile we're going to do another make-over. I'm asking Rob to move our bedroom upstairs to one of the *real* bedrooms. We've had our bed in the dining room. Well I think it is time to turn that back to the use it was created for, and ditto the bedrooms. My knee is still "bad" but I *can* get up and down the stairs again...finally...and all I'd really have to do is go up at night and come down in the morning. I want to do teachings and seminars here and with our bed right in the middle of things that's kind of hard to do. This house needs to be Honored. It needs to be made into a Spiritual Center, and not make the whole thing my personal space, but a space for sharing and teaching and Healing! I'm not sure what day is "moving day", I would like to do it before Saturday, or after...since Sat is April First, and if you'll remember that has been quite a date in my past...(for one thing, I found out I was pregnant, at 42, on April Fool's day...and for another, I got my confirmed diagnosis of MS got it, April Fool's good, one not so good...both life-changing) SO I'm not taking ANY chances on Saturday!!! Besides that, I think Rob has plans for Sat plans are to stay in (or under) my bed!!!


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